Losing a baby, either before or shortly after birth, is devastating. Patients often feel completely alone in their grief, feeling that no one can understand what they’re going through.
HUP’s bereavement support group tells them otherwise. Families share stories, coping mechanisms, and challenges. “We want them to know that they are definitely not alone,” said Kelly Zapata, team leader of Women’s Health Bereavement Support at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. This group is part of UNITE, Inc., a Philadelphia non-profit organization that provides grief support following the loss of a baby.
The support group is just one way HUP helps patients and families who have suffered perinatal loss. When the loss happens after a baby is born, the staff on the Labor & Delivery unit can provide a small memorial box for the family which may include a small stuffed bear and knit hat, as well as the baby’s hospital ID tag, a copy of the footprints, and a photo of the baby, as mementos.
HUP’s Department of Pastoral Care is very much a part of the process as well. When a loss occurs in a patient unit, a chaplain can come up, if the patient requests it, and offer a blessing over the baby as well as a certificate saying the baby has been blessed. Denise Statham, administrative chaplain in Pastoral Care, will also hold a private memorial service in the Interfaith Chapel for the parents, if they wish.
Knowing what to say to someone who has suffered this type of loss can be difficult. To ensure that patients and families receive the compassionate care they need, Statham teaches modules about perinatal loss to incoming chaplains and staff. There are also in-services for departments that don’t see perinatal loss often, for example, a trauma unit may care for a woman who lost a baby in a car crash. Families in the bereavement support group have also been part of the education process, speaking about their experiences and telling nurses what was helpful … and what was not.
Each year a special memorial service is held in the hospital’s chapel to coincide with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in October. During the service, there are prayers, poetry and other readings, as well as a special ceremony where parents can light a candle in the baby’s memory.
The outreach helps more than parents. Grandparents, uncles, and aunts attend as well. “Loss of a baby happens to a family, an extended family,” Statham said. Staff from the patient’s unit often attend these memorials as well, seeking solace for their grief.
During last year's memorial service, Statham said that when a woman loses a husband, she’s a widow. When people lose parents, they’re orphans. It says a lot that there is no word in our language for parents who lose a child. But, with HUP’s support for the emotional, social and spiritual needs of its grieving families, “we’re giving voice to what’s not usually acknowledged in this culture.”