What’s your biggest concern at this very moment? Now imagine your best friend in your shoes. What advice would you give them? Maybe you would tell them to take a deep breath and look at things from a different perspective. It’s in these moments that calm often takes over.
So why not show yourself the same compassion?
According to Mercedes Timko, MD, Penn Medicine’s Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine Department, many people have trouble embracing self-compassion, even though it’s central to our emotional health.
“Without self-compassion, it’s difficult to foster any kind of mental-emotional wellness,” Dr. Timko says.
While there are lots of interpretations of self-compassion, at its core it’s being kind and understanding toward yourself, especially in the wake of an experience you perceive as a failure or shortcoming. It’s also about learning to accept painful thoughts and emotions, rather than avoiding them or feeling sorry for yourself.
Dr. Timko offers these tips for improving your self-compassion and enhancing your emotional health.
Focus on These Four Areas of Your Life
Eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep isn’t just good for our bodies, it also helps balance our moods. “When we eat fast food and try to get by on a few hours of sleep, it will enhance our negative stress response, leaving us feeling especially sensitive,” Dr. Timko says.
Research shows that people with a diet comprised largely of “ultra-processed” food and added sugar are more likely to perceive higher stress levels. At which point, it can become a concerning cycle because being chronically stressed may make you more susceptible to overeating and reaching for comfort foods when you do.
And extensive research has linked exercise with reduced stress levels and improved mood. One particular study involving college students found two days of aerobic exercise per week significantly reduced perceived stress.
Another essential piece of the puzzle is stress management. There are so many ways for stress to creep into our lives. Dr. Timko says she’s noticed her patients giving voice to it more frequently. “And that’s not necessarily a bad thing,” she says. “It’s unfortunate that our society is so stressed. But the fact that we’re addressing it in primary care is good.”
By that point, you’re reacting to the stress in your life. Anticipating it can be even more beneficial. There are a number of ways to go about this. Dr. Timko suggests meditation.
“Apps like Calm and Headspace have reshaped the conversations around meditation and made it much more accessible,” she says. “And you can benefit from doing it just a few minutes a day.”
Meditation is essentially a practice that aims to clear or focus your mind. A simple way to try it is to find a quiet corner of your home and set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes. Then sit quietly with your eyes closed and try to focus on your breathing. You don’t need to alter it in any way.
Inevitably, thoughts are going to distract you. The goal isn’t to completely shut them out; it’s to recognize them and promptly refocus on your breathing.
People who meditate regularly have been found to think, concentrate, and problem-solve better than those who don’t. They’ve also shown a better ability to overcome emotional turmoil because they’re generally more self-aware, present, and patient.
Other evidence-based ways to relieve stress and anxiety include avoiding procrastination; reducing screen time, particularly your smartphone use; and limiting your caffeine intake.
Build a Support System
Being able to talk openly with a sibling, parent, or close friend reminds us, in urgent moments and everyday ones, that we’re not alone. That can go a long way in grounding us.
But your support system doesn’t need to be limited to loved ones, Dr. Timko says. Fill it with anything that comforts you: a pet, a podcast you listen to religiously, a sketchbook.
“I’m a big believer in growth through connection,” Dr. Timko says. “But we’ve learned during the pandemic that, short of an interpersonal connection, lots of other things can lift our mood.”
Loneliness is often subtler than we imagine it to be. That’s why so many of us miss the signs, which can include feeling tired all the time, or even like you can’t shake a cold; constant binge-watching; spending more than two hours a day on social media; and socializing mostly with other lonely people.
Loneliness has become more widespread during the pandemic, and young adults have been hit hardest by it. If you’re feeling lonely, reconnecting with family and friends is critical, but it’s not the only strategy. Keep a regular schedule, as much as possible; undertake a meaningful new project, whether that means signing up for an online course or volunteering; or explore new forms of self-care, like trying out recipes you handpicked online or redesigning your bedroom.
And remember: Go easy on yourself.