Coming Out as LGBTQ+: Presby Staff Share Their Stories

By Daphne Sashin

This month, Penn Presbyterian Medical Center’s PRIDE (Presbyterian's Rally for Inclusion, Diversity, and Equality) Committee invited LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and other) staff to share their stories of coming out and self-acceptance.

“In sharing our stories, we hope that others who are struggling with their identity or sexual orientation will find the strength to do the same,” said committee chair Jenna Mechalas, MSN, a nurse on 3 South. “We hope that these words will bring inspiration to not only our members of the LGBTQ+ community, but to our allies as well.”

‘The World Was Very Different Then’

Chief Nursing Officer James Ballinghoff, DNP, MBA, RN, was 18 when he finally came out to himself. It was 1980, and “the world was very different then. Being gay wasn’t talked about or celebrated like it is today.” At the restaurant where he worked, a friend who happened to be a lesbian said the words first: “You are gay.”

“I thought to myself, ‘Is that bad, to be gay?’ She seemed normal and happy,” Ballinghoff said. “I knew in my heart that I couldn’t hide from my true self forever. I believe it was that night that I came out to myself and accepted that I was gay.”

It took another five years before he came out to his family and friends, and many more before he was comfortable sharing his identity at work. But at Penn Medicine, which Ballinghoff joined in 2007, “I’ve always felt comfortable and supported just the way I am.”

“Now as a leader, I’m proud to work in an organization that’s supportive of openly LGBTQ+ colleagues,” he said. “I’m also proud to work for a health care organization that’s focused on creating an environment where all patients feel safe and listened to, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.” 

Read Jim Ballinghoff’s full story in this month’s Vantage Point

‘Why Are You Choosing This?’

They say you never come out just once, said Elizabeth Ruk, BSN, CNII, a nurse on the Neuro Intensive Care Unit, and that surely was the case for her.

“I came out to my mom several times over the years. Initially it was, ’No, you aren’t,’ ’It’s normal to be attracted to women, it doesn’t mean you want to be in a relationship with them,’ or, ’You just haven’t found the right man.’ Then it became, ’You’re just lonely,’ ’You’re desperate to find a relationship,’ ’You’ll settle for anyone,’ and, ’Why are you choosing this?’” Ruk said.

When Ruk found the partner she planned to share the rest of her life with, she finally stood up for herself and refused to participate in any family gatherings until her partner was welcomed, “not as a ‘friend,’ not as a ‘roommate,’ but as my partner.” It took a painful year and a half before her mom accepted them, but “today, I am so thankful and happy to say that all of us are right where we should be – together as a loving family.”

‘I Stand Here in Honor of My Mother’

Steel Alexander, a unit clerk on the Perioperative Care Unit, was raised in a small coal mining town in Ohio by his mother and her wife. His mother suffered from cancer for 25 years until she passed away in November 2021. Growing up, people told him that she was actually sick with HIV. They said it was God’s plan because she had sinned and the church wanted his father to have her removed from his life.  

“Today I stand here in honor of my mother, showing that love wins,” Alexander said. “I just formally got engaged to the love of my life, Oscar. Remember, no matter where you come from, you can always change your life, and you're not alone.”

‘I Had a Serious Decision to Make’

Growing up in Philadelphia, Mechalas said she wasn’t aware that dating women was even an option. She tried to be like the girls around her, applying makeup even though it felt like “I was covering my face with dirt,” and dating boys, wondering why she couldn’t make a connection with them.

It wasn’t until high school that she was exposed to other lifestyles and began to educate herself about the queer community – and embrace her place in it. In college, she came out to her mom, who replied, “I know.”

“Occasionally, I wonder, ‘What if I told her sooner?’ It may have saved me a lot of mental anguish,” Mechalas said. “If I had one piece of advice to give to my colleagues, it would be to tell your children early in life that you will accept them no matter what. It will give them the strength that they need to flourish into the adult that they’re meant to be.”